No One Leaves Saint Bleeding's

About this book:

At Saint Bleeding's Hospital, the pestilence isn't the only thing that's terminal—so is the bureaucracy. Brother Thomas spends his days lancing buboes and his nights stacking corpses into "vertical density models" to maximize crypt KPIs, all while Master Guy de Chauliac audits leech inventory with the fervor of a man who's never seen a patient, only a spreadsheet. Here, "human resources" literally manages ossuaries, supply chain rationalization means smearing porridge on open sores, and the mortality rate is just another metric to optimize.

Darkly comic and terrifyingly familiar, *No One Leaves Saint Bleeding's* transposes the soul-crushing logic of the modern workplace onto a 14th-century plague ward, where the real contagion isn't the Black Death—it's middle management. Sister Beatrice's cynicism is the only PPE that works against a system that classifies the dead as "ex-patients undergoing post-operational transition" and requires Form 108-B in triplicate before you can bury a heretic.

With chapter titles like "The KPI Epidemic," "Synergistic Septicemia," and "Downsizing the Survivors," this razor-sharp satire proves that whether you're dying of septicemia or drowning in red tape, the organization will always find a way to make it your fault. *The Office* meets *The Decameron* in a debut that will have you laughing through your mask—right up until the final performance audit.