The Pigeon Keeper's Revenge
A Satire on Urban Bird Wars

About this book:

Dr. Arthur Pendelton was a respected ornithologist until a live-TV pigeon incident reduced him to a park-bench pariah, muttering revenge at a one-toed bird named Sir Reginald. Now, armed with twenty-two years of field research, an attic full of illicit mechanical parts, and a hatred that burns brighter than his old lab lamps, Arthur declares total war on the feathered occupiers of the Mayor Higgins Memorial Statue. What follows is an escalating arms race of absurdity: sourdough sabotage, sonic disruption by the fountain, mechanized hawks, motorized cats, and a grand Rube Goldberg aviary designed to humble a pigeon who acts less like a wild animal and more like a tenured civil servant with a corner office and a pension.

Wry, inventive, and gloriously petty, *The Pigeon Keeper's Revenge* turns urban wildlife management into a theater of the ridiculous. Each chapter ratchets the stakes higher—from "Operation French Fry" to a "highly flappy hostage crisis"—while never losing sight of the very human (and very funny) obsession driving it all. Arthur's *Log of Avian Transgressions* reads like a mad general's war diary, chronicling a campaign where the enemy possesses the tactical advantage of flight, the morale of conquerors, and the devastating ability to ignore artisan sourdough in favor of a cigarette butt.

Perfect for fans of Christopher Moore, Terry Pratchett, or anyone who has ever shaken a fist at a statue, this satire proves that the most disproportionate revenge is the only kind worth plotting. By the time the trebuchets start launching toasted bagels and the war room smells like millet, you'll be rooting for the man who turned his humiliation into a masterclass in mechanical ornithological warfare—and wondering if the pigeons, in their smug, feathered wisdom, might just deserve every spring-loaded retribution coming to them.