The Snail Sprint Chronicles
A Satire of Underground Mollusk Motorsports

About this book:

When mild-mannered water board cataloger Barnaby Fitzhugh catches two garden snails drag-racing across his lettuce patch, he never expects to be recruited into the cutthroat world of underground mollusk motorsports. But Mr. Gidley—retired signalman, trackside sage, and possessor of a stopwatch that may have timed Dunkirk—has spotted Barnaby's "eye for gradients," and suddenly Barnaby is the proud trainer of Speedwell: a chalk-shelled sprinter with a taste for sweet potato and a destiny he never asked for.

Welcome to the Southern Mollusk Racing Association, where shell polish is regulated, cucumber-skin track wax is a scandal, and the rulebook runs thicker than a snail's slime trail. From basement qualifiers beneath the Royal British Legion to the great Salt Sabotage, Barnaby navigates bureaucrats, betrayal, and the terrifying hydraulics of a thrush's anvil stone—all while trying to keep his day job, his dignity, and his prize athlete hydrated.

Wry, warm, and gloriously absurd, *The Snail Sprint Chronicles* is *The Wind in the Willows* meets *The Office* by way of *Cool Runnings*—a love letter to British eccentricity, the poetry of slow things, and the quiet thrill of watching something very small give it everything it's got.