The Haunted House Appraiser
Valuing the Dead Before They Lower the Price

About this book:

Arthur Pendelton doesn't exorcise haunted houses—he appraises them. As a certified specialist in stigmatized properties, he calculates "Ghost Square Footage" with laser measures and thermal cameras, deducting equity for bleeding walls, poltergeist kinetics, and non-Euclidean nurseries that stretch into infinite voids. His clinical, numbers-first approach has kept the mortgage lenders happy and the spirits at bay—until Celia Vane walks through a wall that isn't there, flashes a business card from *Prime Paranormal Properties, LLC*, and informs him the dead have their own MLS, their own currency, and a counteroffer on the Dutch Colonial he's currently valuing at a seventy-percent loss.

Suddenly, Arthur's comparative market analysis includes ley-line adjustments, ancestral trusts paid in aetherial scrip, and dual-occupancy covenants that reserve the basement for nocturnal phantoms. To save the property from developers who'd strip its quarter-sawn oak and banish a century-old ecosystem, he'll have to navigate spectral brokerage wars, title searches in the Underworld, and a closing process where the ink is invisible and the escrow officer operates out of Limbo.

Wry, inventive, and built on a foundation of bureaucratic absurdity, *The Haunted House Appraiser* turns the supernatural into a zoning dispute—and makes the paperwork the most dangerous part of the haunting.