An Excerpt from “Moving to Kuwait”

The following is an excerpt from “Moving to Kuwait” by Alex Bugeja, available on MixCache.com.

Introduction

So, you’re moving to Kuwait.

Let’s just let that sink in for a moment. You’ve signed the contract, you’ve told your bewildered family, and you’ve probably spent a few late nights staring at a map, trying to convince yourself that the small slice of land nestled between Iraq and Saudi Arabia is indeed about to become your new home. Congratulations. Or perhaps commiserations are in order? It’s a fine line, and which side you fall on will likely change daily, sometimes hourly, during your first few months in the desert. You’ve made a bold, slightly mad, and potentially brilliant decision.

This book is your co-conspirator in this adventure. It is not, I repeat, not, a generic guide on the art of international relocation. We are going to assume you already know how to pack a suitcase without it resembling a collapsed Jenga tower. We will not be wasting your precious time with condescending advice on how to label boxes or the emotional turmoil of saying goodbye to your favorite houseplant. You’re a grown-up. You’ve got this part covered. If you haven’t, then frankly, you might find the Kuwaiti visa process a tad challenging.

What this guide is about is the nitty-gritty, the weird, the wonderful, and the downright baffling specifics of setting up a life in Kuwait. It’s for the person who isn’t worried about finding packing tape but is deeply concerned about something they’ve just read on an obscure expat forum called a “Civil ID” and why it seems to be the key to their entire existence. It’s for the future resident who wants to know not just that it gets hot, but how hot. We’re talking “your car’s dashboard spontaneously melts into a new and interesting shape” hot. We’re talking “you can fry an egg on the pavement, but you wouldn’t want to because the sand would get in it” hot.

Think of this book as that one friend who has lived in Kuwait for a decade, is slightly jaded but still has a twinkle in their eye, and is willing to give you the unvarnished truth over a strong cup of coffee. This friend won’t sermonize or tell you how to live your life. They will, however, tell you exactly which government building has the most ferocious air conditioning (a vital piece of information), why the guy in the Land Cruiser flashing his lights behind you expects you to part the Red Sea for him, and where to find cheese that doesn’t taste like a plastic imitation of a dairy product.

Before we dive headfirst into the glorious chaos, let’s get one very important piece of housekeeping out of the way. This is your official, one-and-only, flashing-neon-sign disclaimer. Kuwait, like a particularly temperamental desert chameleon, changes. Laws, regulations, ministerial procedures, fees, and the price of a decent shawarma are in a constant state of flux. What is gospel truth on a Tuesday could be an amusing historical footnote by Friday. This book should be used as a detailed, well-researched, and hopefully entertaining starting point for your journey. It is a map of the territory, but it is not the territory itself.

Therefore, for the love of all that is holy, please, please double-check anything of an official nature with the appropriate, official sources. Your new employer, the relevant Kuwaiti ministry, or the official government websites are your best friends for up-to-the-minute information on visa requirements, driving license rules, and rental contract laws. Consider this guide your trusted advisor, but always get a second opinion from the powers that be. To not do so is to invite a level of bureaucratic suffering that would make the most patient of saints weep into their paperwork. Now, with that stern warning delivered, let’s put our preachy hat away for the rest of the book.

So, what have you gotten yourself into? Kuwait is a land of incredible contrasts. It’s a place where Bedouin tradition shakes hands with hyper-modern consumerism every single day. You can haggle for spices in a centuries-old souk in the morning and be sipping a ridiculously overpriced artisan coffee in a mall that looks like it landed from the future in the afternoon. It’s a country with a deeply ingrained culture of hospitality and generosity, which exists alongside a driving culture that can best be described as “aggressive nihilism.”

It’s a place where the concept of time can be beautifully fluid. The Arabic word “inshallah,” meaning “God willing,” is not just a phrase; it’s a philosophy. It can mean “yes, I will definitely have that report on your desk tomorrow,” or it can mean “I have acknowledged your request and may or may not address it at some indeterminate point in the future.” Learning to navigate this ambiguity without developing a nervous twitch is one of the key skills you will acquire. Another key skill is patience, particularly when dealing with the intricate dance of bureaucracy we’ll call the “Paperwork Tango.” You will spend a lot of time in waiting rooms, drinking small cups of sweet tea, and wondering if the numbered ticket you are clutching will ever be called. It will. Probably. Inshallah.

This guide is structured to follow the logical (and sometimes illogical) progression of your move. We’ll start with the initial shock and awe in Chapter 1: So, You've Decided to Swap Your Scenery for Sand, covering those first crucial steps you need to take before you even think about booking a flight. This is your reality check, your moment to ponder the wisdom of packing that collection of heavy winter coats you think you might need for a chilly December evening. (Spoiler alert: you won’t.)

Then we’ll plunge into the aforementioned bureaucratic labyrinth with Chapter 2: The Paperwork Tango and Chapter 3: Your Sponsor, Your New Best Friend. These chapters are your survival kit for navigating the visa process, understanding the Kafala (sponsorship) system, and getting your hands on that all-powerful Civil ID. We’ll try to make it as painless as possible, but be warned, a sense of humor is not just recommended, it’s a mandatory piece of personal protective equipment.

Once you’re legally allowed to be in the country, you’ll need a place to live and a way to get around. Chapter 5: Finding Your Desert Oasis will guide you through the peculiarities of renting an apartment, from understanding what “fully furnished” actually means (it can be surprisingly subjective) to deciphering the role of the building’s harris (caretaker). Then, hold on tight for Chapter 7: Driving in Kuwait, which is less of a chapter and more of a support group for those about to experience the Mad Max-esque ballet of the Sixth Ring Road.

We’ll cover the essentials of daily life, the nuts and bolts of actually existing. How do you open a bank account and get your head around a currency where one unit is worth more than three US dollars? We’ll sort that in Chapter 8: Banking for Dummies. What’s the deal with grocery shopping? Chapter 9: Grocery Games will explain the difference between a co-op and a sultan center and prepare you for the emotional rollercoaster of finding your favorite brand of breakfast cereal. We’ll even tackle the delicate subject of what to wear in Chapter 10: Dress to Impress (the Locals), so you can be comfortable, respectful, and not pass out from heatstroke.

But a life is more than just paperwork and errands. The second half of the book is dedicated to helping you thrive, not just survive. We’ll explore the social scene in Chapter 13: Making Friends in the Desert, the incredible food in Chapter 14: Eat Your Way Through Kuwait, and what on earth to do on the weekends in Chapter 15: Weekend Shenanigans. We’ll arm you with the tools to handle the peak of summer in Chapter 16: The Heat is On and navigate the unique rhythm of the holy month in Chapter 17: Ramadan for Rookies.

We’ll also delve into some of the more advanced, and uniquely Kuwaiti, aspects of life. Ever heard of wasta? You will. Chapter 21: The Art of Wasta will introduce you to this unofficial, unwritten, but unbelievably powerful system of influence and connections that quietly underpins much of how things get done. It’s a concept that can be frustrating, fascinating, and, on occasion, incredibly useful. We’ll also talk about the constant battle against dust, the expat bubble, and the laws and customs that it’s genuinely in your best interest to know.

Throughout it all, the tone will be light, the advice will be practical, and the goal will be simple: to make your transition to life in Kuwait as smooth, successful, and surprise-free as possible. There will be frustrations. There will be days you question your sanity. There will be moments of cultural misunderstanding that are hilarious in hindsight but mortifying at the time. But there will also be incredible generosity, unexpected beauty in the stark desert landscape, lasting friendships, and the satisfaction of having successfully navigated a world that is very different from your own.

So take a deep breath. You are about to embark on an experience that will change you, challenge you, and probably provide you with a lifetime’s worth of fantastic dinner party stories. Welcome to Kuwait. Now, let’s get started. Yalla!

Read “Moving to Kuwait” on MixCache.com →